


Shades of a Flame

by Wiseskylight



Category: Naruto, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Haruno Sakura-centric, Reincarnation, Strong Haruno Sakura
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24069772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiseskylight/pseuds/Wiseskylight
Summary: Death gave Jean a choice; go back to the X-Men or start a new life. Jean chose the one that burned brighter. Jean-is-Sakura.
Comments: 29
Kudos: 131





	1. Prologue

Sakura is four years old when she realises the voices in her head are not her own.

She first learns of this through her mother when the blonde-haired woman’s lips are pressed tightly together as she hums and taps her feet along with the music playing on the radio. The song playing being one of her mother’s favourite childhood tunes as the station decided to take part in a musical throwback for old people. Not that her mother is very old with greying hair and back problems which her grandfather likes to complain about, but she is older than Sakura that it surpasses the number of fingers she has on her hands. She had once asked her mother for her age so she can show off her counting skills. At the time, Sakura had learnt to count up to fifty and was buzzing with excitement to demonstrate her newfound talents. Her mother had said with a laugh that it was ‘improper’ to ask a woman her age.

But the voice told her.

So Sakura began counting despite herself and stopped when she reached twenty-seven. Her mother had turned to her as they walked home from grocery shopping and questioned why she stopped. Sakura craned her neck to look at the tall woman and said she had reached her age, so she did not need to count any more. Her mother paused for a few seconds with her eyebrows raised in surprise, but she did not say any more. She did not need to. The voice flowed the words ‘ _I never told you_ ’ and Sakura wanted to argue against it. Tell the voice that it did but the expression on her mother’s face created a strange feeling within the pit of her stomach. A sensation which Sakura could not identify. So she kept her own mouth shut until they began to continue their walk back home as if nothing was ever said.

It’s only now that Sakura understands that the voice is not an extension of her own but _her mother’s_. This makes her giggle with delight as she can currently hear her mother’s voice singing along with the music despite her lips never moving. Sakura opens her own mouth to sing with her but stutters through the big words used in the song. This causes her mother to smile down at her as she begins to chop vegetables with the ‘adult’ knife Sakura can never use until she’s old like her mother. Sakura thinks that’s unfair because her mother’s voice once told her about shinobi and how children around her age used to hold knives as high as her, but those words were always paired together with a feeling of sadness that makes Sakura’s chest tighten. So, Sakura never brings it up. She does not want to make her mother unhappy. Instead, Sakura decides to focus on helping her mother by standing on a stool as her legs are too short to reach the kitchen sink. Her mother has given her the task of washing the vegetables and Sakura is all too happy to lend a hand.

“You’re doing amazing,” her mother says as she places the chopped leeks into a bowl.

Sakura beams at the praise while she continues to wash the baby potatoes under the tap. Her mother had once told her – through her mouth and not the voice – that four years ago she was a small as the potato. Sakura wants to doubt her. _How could I be so small?_ She thinks as she rubs soil off one potato, but her mother’s voice tells her otherwise. It tells her of the time she grew within her mother’s stomach. The months her mother had spent carrying her although it caused the woman to be sick every morning. Even caused her to feel pain shooting up her legs as she walked on flat feet. This only caused Sakura to stare at her mother in awe. Sakura believes herself to be super strong as she did not cry when she fell onto the floor in the park, but she doesn’t think she can handle the pain that her mother underwent. It is why her mother is her own personal hero. Sakura aspires to be that strong.

Sakura picks up another dirty potato to wash under the running water as her thoughts return to the voices. In order to not be confused, Sakura named the voice which comes out of her mother’s mouth her outer voice, and the voice Sakura hears in her head, her mother’s inner voice. This helps Sakura differentiate between the two voices, as sometimes her mother’s outer voice would say something which contradicts her inner voice. Sakura knows this is called lying and that she should never do it to her parents because it’s a bad thing. But why can her mother do it? Is it another thing only adults can do? Sakura has heard her father’s inner voice do the same thing. This piles on to the many things Sakura once again finds unfair. She cannot wait until she is an adult, so she does not have to live under these rules.

At times, Sakura also questions whether her parents could hear her own inner voice. A few days ago, she decided to test it out and say something her parents will not approve of, like how much she hates onions and how she wishes to never eat them. Everyone was sat at the dining table when Sakura said this, but her parents did not react. Instead, they carried on their conversation on how their day went and their enjoyment of the summer weather. This makes Sakura realise that no one else can hear her inner voice but she can hear everyone else’s. Did this make her weird? The other girls playing in the park seem to think Sakura is strange because of her forehead. ‘Billboard brow,’ they call her in their outer and inner voice. Sakura’s lips wobble in remembrance. That had hurt but she understands why they said those mean things; they wanted Sakura to be upset so they can feel good about themselves. That is what she learnt from hearing their inner voice.

 _‘I wonder when Kizashi is coming home,’_ her mother’s inner voice suddenly says with a hint of worry. ‘ _He should have been back by now.’_

Normally, Sakura would hear her father’s inner voice outside the main door before he knocks. His inner voice would sound tired in the same way Sakura would be when spending a day playing in the sandbox. Because of this, Sakura could tell that all her father wants to do is sleep but he forces himself to stay awake so he can interact with her. This fills Sakura with a warm fuzzy feeling. It’s after he eats dinner with the family that he will head off straight to bed. During this time, Sakura makes sure to stay quiet when playing with her dolls. She would whisper Wolverine’s furious battle cry or imagine red lasers coming out of the eyes of her doll– essentially making them fight to the death. Although, none would win in their ongoing war against each other because they are always bound to fail.

Sakura turns away from the tap and to her mother. “Don’t worry, kaa-san,” she says while placing the clean potatoes into a bowl. “Tou-san will be home soon.”

Sakura watches her mother’s hand – the one holding the knife – stop in mid-motion. Her mother then turns to stare at her with a stunned expression.

‘ _How did she know?’_ streams into Sakura’s head. _‘There is no way. I did not say anything.’_

Sakura giggles. “You did. I can hear you.”

Her mother drops the knife causing it to fall onto the chopping board and grabs Sakura’s shoulders. Sakura blinks at the rough handling as it causes her body to turn and almost trips off the stool. Now she is directly facing her mother whose expression is no longer coloured with shock. Instead, her mother’s face is morphed into a look of fury.

“Never do that,” her mother hisses out. “Okay? Never. You are normal. You _have_ to be normal.”

 _‘She cannot read my mind,’_ her mother’s inner voice says. _‘It is not possible. She is a normal child with a normal family. She is nothing special. Nothing unnatural. She is normal. She is normal. She is normal.’_

Tears gather in Sakura’s eyes as her mother’s grip tightens almost painfully. “I won’t do it again,” she says in a small, barely legible voice.

“Good,” her mother replies with the same amount of harshness Sakura hears from her bullies.

Her mother returns to chopping the potatoes as if the conversation never happened, and Sakura is left gazing at her mother with a numb feeling.


	2. Books and the Fox-boy

Sakura loves books.

Whether it be the feeling of the smooth page between her fingers or the ageing scent Sakura cannot place a name onto, she cares about them in the same way she loves her parents. She had tried to explain this feeling to her father, but his reaction was to laugh in between saying love is a big word to use in such a liberal manner. She might feel 'affection'– a new word she learnt – for books, but she is too young to understand what love is as children may confuse the feeling for something else. That the feeling of affection she has might change when she develops into an adult. Going to school will help her do this. According to her father, it had helped him change his views on books and made him hate them. The idea of Sakura hating books scared her to the point she burst out crying and exclaimed she no longer wanted to go to school. Her father's expression coloured itself with surprise at her sudden outburst before trying his best to calm her down.

"Oh, ignore me," her father had said while wrapping his arms around her. "I'm just a silly old man. Who knows what you will be like in the future. You might still love books."

Despite him trying to take back his words, his inner voice told her something different. ' _Hopefully she will not cry this much in the future_ ,' her father's voice had said with a hint of exhaustion.

This only made her cry harder.

It took her an hour to calm down because she could not stop hearing her father's inner voice saying things, such as how much of a nuisance Sakura is being by crying when all her father wants to do is sleep. This contradicted the sweet words of comfort which exited his mouth. Sakura did not know which one to believe. Was her father really like those bullies who are always mean? Or did he actually care about her? If he did, then why is she a nuisance? One of the books she had read told a story about how a snake was being a nuisance by stealing the other animals' food in the village. But Sakura was not stealing any food. She had simply tried to explain her feelings and is now being treated like the snake. The snake who in the end was punished by never being able to step foot in the village again. Was that going to happen to her? Would she be punished like the snake? Sakura does not want that to happen but, at the same time, she does not want to stop loving books. Books were not like people. All she has to do is read the words on the page and not expect a double meaning to them. No other voices to contradict what was being said. This is why she loves books.

Sakura soon fell asleep after the fatigue caused by crying caught up with her. It made her sleep right through dinner and into this morning. When she had awakened for breakfast, her father had gone back to work and Sakura almost felt relieved to not have to face him. So she had her breakfast with her mother whose concerned inner voice said a lot more than her outer voice. Sakura quickly told her mother that she will be going to the library before her mother's mouth could sound her worries. Her mother allowed her to go with the condition she comes back just before lunch. This brings Sakura to now. She is currently in the library with a new book in hand. She had persuaded the librarian to let her try and read a book for those at the age of ten. The librarian looked down at Sakura with an eyebrow raised but helped Sakura pick up a book that she would like.

 _Aiko-san is nice_ , Sakura thinks as she flips to the next page.

Whenever there is a word Sakura does not understand or cannot pronounce, she asks the librarian to read it to her and tell her the meaning. This is how Sakura learns new words. A few days ago, Sakura had learned the words harmony, excess and ambiguous. The latter word Sakura still has problems with pronouncing, but she tries her best to keep practising through it. The librarian always watches her, too. Sakura does not know how many times she has visited the library in the past year, but she remembers Aiko-san watching her with a curious gaze. It's only recently that the librarian had put pillows on Sakura's usual spot next to the window in the child's section of the library. Sakura had thanked her profusely after she realised what she had done causing Akio-san to smile.

"Stay away from here!"

A sharp voice rings through the library that it pulls Sakura's attention away from her book. There, to her left, she notices a blonde-haired boy standing near the main desk where Aiko-san is standing behind. Sakura was so engrossed in her book that she did not hear the terrible thoughts coming from the librarian and they were _strong_ that it almost slams into her head.

' _How dare this demon come here after what he did?_ ' Aiko-san's inner voice screeches out while images flashes through her head.

One specific image catches Sakura's attention. It is of a fox, but not the type of foxes Sakura would see in the street or on the page. This one is different. This one seemed more _murderous_ – another word she had learnt today – as its tails collide with buildings and people. It has _nine_ tails. Then the image suddenly changes to Aiko-san running on the street as if trying to get away from the beast but a tail flicks a building before her and it comes crashing down. With no time to get away, Aiko-san is left buried under the rubble. Her left leg broken and trapped between furniture. She screams for help as she bleeds out from her leg, but no sound reaches those above her. She is trapped. She is helpless. She is alone in the dark. So she falls asleep.

The violent images paired with such intense emotions makes Sakura's stomach turn as if the contents of her breakfast are ready to spew out. But one thing she does not understand is why Aiko-san's feelings are directed towards the boy. The boy does not look like the fox from Aiko-san's head. He looks like an ordinary child who probably came to the library for the same reason Sakura did. To read. So why is the woman being so rude? Sakura does not think she likes Aiko-san anymore. Not when she's being horrible. Sakura turns her attention to the boy. The blonde-haired kid looks ready to break down crying from the harsh words. His inner voice is already sobbing. This instantly reminds Sakura of the time her bullies would make fun of her and everyone else in the park would just watch. The churning in Sakura's stomach stops and small bubbles of anger rise until it pops.

Sakura gets up and gently places the book away. She walks over to the boy.

"Get out of here," Aiko-san almost yells while trying to get up out of her seat, but her injured leg prevents her from standing up straight. "Do not come–"

"Leave him alone," Sakura shouts in return. Her small voice carrying itself through the quiet and empty library. This causes Aiko to stare at Sakura with an unreadable expression, but it is the look the boy give Sakura that makes her anger reach its boiling point. The boy has tears running down his face and over his _whiskers_? Sakura blinks for a moment before returning to the librarian. The woman has quickly regained her composure.

"Stay out of this, Sakura," she hisses out. "You do not know what this child is capable of. He is a _monster_."

A heart-wrenching sob escapes the boy at the use of the word, and Sakura sees red.

"No," Sakura says with all the conviction she has. "You're the monster. You're the one bullying a child."

Aiko-san releases a sharp _Ha!_.

"You think this is a child?" She points to the blonde-haired kid. "You have no idea. No idea at all. This is not a kid at all. This – this _thing_ is not human."

More images of the fox appear in Sakura's head while the same scenario repeats; Aiko-san running and the tail hitting the building before falling. Then darkness. This repeats over and over again.

"I do," Sakura says while giving the woman her best glare. "He's not the fox."

Aiko freezes up, her mouth hanging open. It's only a few seconds after that absolute fury washes over her face and she bares her teeth like an animal caught in a trap.

"Get out!" she screams, slamming her hand onto the desk. "Get out and don't come back. You are banned from here. Banned."

Sakura grabs one of the blonde-haired boy's hands which causes his tear-filled gaze to finally meet hers. In that moment, all Sakura can think about is how the boy has the bluest eyes she has ever seen, but the librarian rips her from the thought. The woman is banging her hand on her desk to get their attention, but before the woman can say anymore, Sakura grips the boy's hand and drags him out of the library. They begin to run past the audience which has appeared outside the door and away from the screeching woman. They don't stop running. Not for the hateful stares that follow them, or the inner voices that shout ' _monster_ ', ' _demon_ ' and ' _fox_ '. They run past shops opening for the day and people starting their morning routine. They don't stop until they reach Sakura's hidden spot; a place she found in the park when running away from her bullies. Sakura pants when they finally arrive, out of breath from running so much. She turns to the boy and sees him staring at her with a wary expression, but tears still stain his face and glisten under the sun. Sakura decides to beam at him.

"Hello," she begins in a soft tone, "my name is Sakura. My two favourite things in the world are books and my superhero toys. What's yours?"

The boy stares in shock at the sudden rush of words, but he does not say anything. He commits to watching her. Sakura is not bothered by this and realises she is still holding his hand, but she does not let go. Instead, she squeezes his hand and continues to smile.

"Did you go to the library to get some books?" Sakura decides to ask.

The boy hesitantly nods.

"I have some books at home, if you want some."

A look of hope flashes across the boy's face, but it disappears as quickly as it arrives.

"Or we can stay here and talk. Your choice."

The boy still doesn't say anything. He does not have to. His inner voice tells Sakura that this must be a trick of some sort. That she must be lying to him. That kind people like her did not exist. Only Jiji is kind to him. Sakura's smile almost falters but she refuses to let it fall. So Sakura continues to fill the silence with her speaking. She talks about anything; from how the day is to the book she was reading. Even then, she refuses to let go of the boy's hand. She grips it tightly, hoping to offer the boy some comfort after this morning's events.

"Naruto," the boy says timidly as his inner voice realises that this is not a joke. "My name is Naruto."

Sakura gives him her brightest smile in reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Thank you to those who read the first chapter! It means a lot. 
> 
> I decided to carry on writing from Sakura's childhood and see where that takes me. I should also say Sakura/Jean does not remember her time in the X-Men but may do so in the future. Just not right now.
> 
> Please review! It helps motivate me to write more.


	3. Hide and Seek

"One," Sakura begins, covering her eyes with her small, stubby fingers. "Two. Three."

While she counts, Sakura is stabbed by heat, leaves acting as a poor barrier between her and the sun. The soft breeze does not help her either, as every slight brush against the trees allows more and more rays to prick her skin. She must look like an apple. Sakura tries to contain a giggle at the thought. A cute apple, her father would say, while placing ointment over her burns. Sakura would wince at the touch with tears building at the corners of her eyes, but she is a big girl so she could handle the pain. Or would tell herself this. Sometimes, after the ointment has dried, Sakura would wonder how ninjas handle the pain of being hurt. They must not cry over sunburns being as strong as they are.

But Sakura understands the dangers of having a pale complexion like hers. How could she forget with her mother always reminding her to wear sunscreen before leaving the house? Sakura's heart raced at the thought of returning home, knowing if she gets caught, she will not hear the end of it. The prettiest ladies have untarnished skin, her mother would constantly tell her. Rather than argue, Sakura would nod her head in agreement, a lesson she has learnt from her parents' fights. Still, even with protection, blood rushes to the uncovered parts of her body and transforms it into a blotchy red. Even now, Sakura's palms can feel the heat of her cheeks. The extra warmth causes dribbles of sweat to crawl down the lines of her sharp smile or pool between the creases of her fingers. Despite the uncomfortable feeling, Sakura continues to play.

"Four," she yells out. "Five. Six."

She makes the conscious decision to count slowly. Each number rolling off her tongue at the same speed it takes ice to melt in a cool room. Hopefully, this will help Naruto find a hiding place soon. She can hear him even now, trying to search for the perfect spot. His inner voice filled with childish glee as the words ' _maybe here_ ' or ' _this place is better_ ' flows through Sakura's mind. The difference between Naruto's current inner voice when compared to earlier is evident. No longer are there thoughts of palpable loneliness or the strangled sobs he refuses to let out. There is only joy. As a result, Sakura can feel the tension from this morning exit her body, but a dull ache still resides in her chest. She has lost the library, a place of great comfort. She would be lying if she said she would not miss it but seeing Naruto's beaming expression makes the loss worth it. After all, there is always the bookshop.

"Seven. Eight."

A swift gust of wind carries the rustling of shrubs. It brushes against the hem of Sakura's dress before dying down. By the sounds of things, Naruto has found his spot at last. She can tell by the way his inner voice squeals in delight. So much so that it almost spills out of his mouth, but he smothers it down. He does not want to be found so easily. Sakura releases her own high-pitched laugh. Although she does not know what the spot looks like, all Sakura must do is follow his inner voice. She wonders if this is considered cheating. Her mother once told her a tale about a wolf who tried to trick a frog into giving up his home. The wolf had cheated in a game he recommended playing. But the frog knew and fooled the wolf.

 _That's stupid_ , was the thought which ran through Sakura's head at the end of the story. Why would a wolf want to live in a frog's home? Would it not be too wet? Or have proper shelter against harsh weathers? Most of all, wouldn't the wolf be too big to live in such a small home? So many questions rested on the tip of her tongue, but she dare not voice them. Not when she knew it would upset her mother. Sakura imagines her mother's blonde hair standing up on ends like snakes waiting to strike whenever she is angry. It's at times like these that Sakura knows to avoid the woman at all costs. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for her father who takes the brunt of her mother's fury like a horseman riding towards the centre of a hurricane.

"Nine," she says with more speed. "Ten. Ready or not, here I come!"

Sakura lowers her hands from her face and a breeze of cool air brushes across her sweat ridden cheeks. Keeping her eyes closed for so long causes her vision to blur as she lifts her lids. She blinks a few times to help them focus. Soon after, she can see again but a large tree obscures her sight. Walking around it, Sakura takes in the view of her hideout. To an adult, the plot of land hidden behind tall bushes would make them feel claustrophobic with the little space available. But to Sakura, it is perfect with its dandelion floor and moss-covered rocks. Plus, there are plenty of spaces to hide from nosy adults who try and investigate the area. It is also the perfect place to hide from her bullies when they arrive in the park. That's the most important part.

Naruto is hiding behind the tree to her far left. His loud inner voice gives him away; it's positively bursting with excitement. So Sakura decides to stroll forward and rummage through a bush.

"Where are you?" Sakura calls out in a musical tune. "I'm going to find you."

Naruto releases a small giggle which Sakura pretends not to hear. She is not like the wolf, Sakura tells herself. She will not let the game end so easily. Not when she wants him to have fun. So she continues to search behind thick trees and shrubs of all sizes, all while avoiding Naruto's area. His inner voice comes alive each time Sakura calls out his name or comes too close to where he is located. He is having fun. This is all Sakura asks for. Soon the memories of this morning will fade away like the remains of a puddle during a hot day. Although, her own thoughts cannot help but return to the images of the fox. The thing looked menacing, standing above the village in the same way her doll dominates her playhouse. But this creature did not wear any painted smiles. It looked angry. So angry that it was willing to destroy everything in its path.

So why does Aiko-san believe the boy is the fox? As far as she knows, Naruto does not have nine tails. Maybe lookalike whiskers by the marks on his cheeks but no tails. He is a human child. Simple as that. This should be Sakura's final answer, but a feeling gnaws in the pit of her stomach. She squashes it down and continues to play the game.

Five minutes must have passed when Sakura decides to sneak up behind Naruto. She can hear him wondering why she is suddenly silent, but Sakura makes no noticeable sounds. Treading lightly, she takes tentative steps forward before pouncing behind his tree. She has got him now. She hears him shift nervously in his spot while questioning if she left him alone. Abandoned him. Played a cruel trick. Sakura's heart aches at this. So much so that she reveals herself.

"Got you!" She cries, while quickly tapping Naruto's arm.

A look of surprise fills his expression before joy takes over.

' _She did not leave._ ' His inner voice is relieved. There is no cruel trick or anything of the sort. She actually wants to play.

Without realising what she is doing, Sakura stands in Naruto's personal space with her arms outstretched. She then pulls him into a crushing hug.

"It's okay," she whispers with care. "I'm not leaving."

Naruto leans into her touch, his own arms wrapping around her.

' _Thank you,_ ' his inner voice wobbles out, his own throat too dry to say them.

Sakura tightened her hug in response.

' _Fucking brats,_ ' a deep voice sneers.

Sakura freezes.

This voice… It's filled with so much malice that Sakura finds herself struggling to concentrate when Naruto begins to sob. It's not from anyone around them. Sakura cannot hear any inner voices from beyond the shrubs. There is only one possibility. One Sakura cannot believe, but the proof is right in front of her.

After all, she has never met a person with two inner voices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks to those who enjoyed the last chapter.
> 
> I struggled with this chapter a lot, but it came out okay. Hopefully, you guys liked it.
> 
> Please review! I love hearing your thoughts!


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